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makes stepping out of her comfort zone extremely difficult. She has a heart defect, which means she gets tired very quickly, and the smallest thing can trigger intense anxiety, and boarding planes is no exception. She can easily get overwhelmed and finds it hard to go from hot temperatures to cooler ones, or to deal with rain and wind. To put it in a nutshell, she’s extremely sensitive. That said, this doesn’t mean we’ve given up on family holidays abroad and making memories as a family. Here are a few words on how we manage it all, and a few more, on how you too could help make Mai’s flight experience a smoother one. Choosing the right destination Let’s start by saying that a family with a special needs child must choose a destination that is suitably adapted to the child’s disability with a flight duration they can handle. In our case for instance, Europe is as far as we’ll go to, since Mai can’t take more than four hours aboard a plane. Mobility solutions Before I buy flight tickets of any sort, my first task is to find mobility solutions for Mai. When she was small, she had a stroller, but now, she’s big and she walks. But since she tires very quickly, when we’re traveling across Europe, we use a stroller that’s especially adapted to a 10-year-old. It took a lot of work from me as a mother, and from her siblings, to accept the idea of the stroller as a mobility solution, and not a symbol of developmental regression. And of course, not to mention the difficulty ignoring the looks we get from passers-by, puzzled at the sight of a big girl in a stroller. It’s important for me to stress that Mai herself has no problem whatsoever using it. All she wants is

to enjoy herself, and the means to make that happen don’t matter to her. Unlike us, she takes no notice of what other people think – which I find amazing! Jumping lines At the airport, children like my daughter Mai are entitled to jump lines. Indeed, we receive priority access at check-in and boarding, which is essential. Though we fortunately always get the much needed help and support from flight attendants and ground crew, we sometimes come across exasperated fellow passengers who give us stern looks as we walk past them towards the front of the line. “Excuse-me, why don’t you get in line?” is a frequent comment we hear. I choose to be open about our situation and simply show them Mai’s disability card and explain that she is entitled to jump the line. But I warmly invite you, who are reading these lines, to think about what families like mine go through, and how unpleasant it can be to have to

discuss a child’s disability in public with strangers. Add to that the fact that when someone makes an angry comment and I’m compelled to explain that I have a disabled daughter, it feels deeply unfair both to Mai herself and to us as a family. We’re on holiday, eager to relax and forget about the daily struggle and strife, and we might not want to tell perfect strangers about our daughter’s disability, particularly since we dislike the term, though it’s the one on Mai’s disability card. I’m bringing my daughter up to be as independent as possible, and sometimes, when someone forces me to use the word ‘disability’ in front of her, it can ruin years of confidence building. So I ask of you, that you may take my words into consideration, and the next time you see a family jumping the line, instead of making a face, why not offer them an understanding smile instead. ■ The author is a coach and guide to parents of children with special needs

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ATMOSPHERE DECEMBER 2022